A Little Christmas Cheer This Year. Ho.
Sydney Morning Herald
Friday November 30, 1990
EVERY magazine and newspaper in town is full of Christmas ideas you can't afford. Didn't they hear yesterday's announcement of a recession? Thank goodness for Agenda and its Recession Christmas Guide.
GIFTS: In the '80s you had the problem of what to buy the person who had everything. Now you've the problem of what to buy the person who's lost everything. Just remember, any gift looks good in the language of the gift catalogue.
The Gourmet Wood-Fired Cooking Centre: Electricity cut off? Kitchen appliances all repossessed? Why not give your partner the gift of hot food with a new Barbecue Grill - an attractive device made of sparkling stainless steel? In fact, why not spoil them and throw in two bricks as well | $6.50 for the set.
The Hand-Operated Food Mixmaster: Food processor broken down and can't afford to get it fixed? Why not give a gift full of tradition and history? The Kitchen Fork is a centuries-old device perfect for mixing food - and then for eating it. Our design is based on that developed by master artisans in Sheffield in the 18th century, and is now imported all the way from Korea. 99 cents.
Chauffeur Travel: Car repossessed? Don't know how your partner will get to work? Why not give him/her a voucher for a whole week of chauffeured trips to and from work? Called a Red Metro Ten, it can be used on any Sydney bus route- and is a great way to get really close to your fellow citizens - $12.80.
Gourmet Gift Pack: A traditional offering, perfect for those occasions when the cupboard is otherwise bare. We gently bake the finest quality beans, then smother them in a sauce made of garden-fresh tomatoes and then seal the whole delicious mixture in an airtight steel can. Set of three, in presentation plastic shopping bag, $2.10.
The Childrens' Educational and Hobby Kit: A fantastic educational idea -teaching young minds about building, engineering and even artistic design. Sold under its traditional name, the "Bag of Sand" is sure to provide hours of fun. $4.
1987 Calendar: Remaindered stocks of the calendar from this popular year have now become available. Perfect for friends who wish to relive those heady days of the bull market, reminiscing about the times when "entrepreneur" was still a compliment. The thoughtful giver will, of course, remove all pages after October 19. 10 cents.
Escaping It All: In better years, many gave the gift of travel. But these days, busy business people still need to "get away" - indeed, many of them at considerable speed. The Quick Escape Pack includes false Brazilian passport, stick-on moustache to fool creditors and cheap running shoes to evade the fraud squad. Also, a free statement to shareholders in which you blame your managing director and the media. $50 the lot, cash only.
TRADITIONS: Many of the traditions of Christmas, of course, will need to be changed to suit tough times. Christmas Crackers will still contain a joke -but this year it will be a gift-wrapped Aussie dollar. It was the only thing they could find more useless than those plastic knick-knacks.
The tree, as always, will be decorated, but most won't be able to afford those expensive baubles. Why not try making your own? Cutting Christmas shapes from your recent bank statements will be great for supplying the traditional splashes of red.
And those Bond Corp share certificates should be useful for wrapping presents - or for using with your new Barbecue Grill.
Most will still leave a treat for Santa by the hearth - but this year it will be just bread and water. What does he expect? Rumour has it that he's down to three reindeer and will be restricted to one "ho". Santa himself, a rather gaunt figure, has denied that most of his elves are now on the dole. "They're just retraining," said a clearly defensive Claus. "We call it the New Start allowance."
Thank goodness the turkey will be the same as it always is when grandma cooks. Stuffed.
HOLIDAYS: Of course, many of you will have decided to take time off over Christmas. Good on you | It's the sort of self-confidence we admire. You're clearly confident enough about keeping your job - so confident that you feel happy about leaving your desk for a full week.
Australia needs more people like you. All we can hope is that you have a very relaxing time. And, of course, that you're right about that job.
Merry Christmas.
© 1990 Sydney Morning Herald